


We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip

by alexofmacedonia



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Not A Happy Ending, Sorry again, Suicide, idea of a future where clexa happens and then the ice nation actually attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 11:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexofmacedonia/pseuds/alexofmacedonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's already lost Costia and now most of her coalition. How will Lexa handle losing Clarke, too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	We fell through the ice when we tried not to slip

**Author's Note:**

> Basically every piece of dialogue except Lexa's last line is meant to be in Trigedasleng, so pretend it is. I'm going through some mental stuff right now, and this is what's helping, so I'm really sorry for the angst and non-happy ending.
> 
> Title comes from 'The Freshmen' by The Verve Pipe

 

Lexa was flat on her back, her sword just out of reach as stones dug into her shoulder blades. The Ice Queen stood over her, furred boot pressing onto her chest with just enough pressure to make Lexa feel that one of her ribs had cracked.

 

"How does it feel, Leksa, to know that I have taken everything you love from you? Kostia, then your city and your precious coalition, then Klark. And now, finally, I will have your life."

 

Lexa's fingers had been searching for her secret knife located in the hem of her shirt, safely hidden below the layers of armor and her coat, but they stilled at Queen Nia's words about Clarke. "Liar. Klark is _Wanheda_ , you could never kill her." Even as she spoke though, a little voice in the back of her head wondered if there was truth in the Ice Queen's statement.

 

Her most hated enemy grinned, showing off bloody teeth and a couple empty spaces where teeth no longer stood. "My son found her and delivered her to me yesterday. He was so happy to be brought back into my clan, and given back his rightful place as my heir. I did not need to torture her for information, as I did Kostia, but I did so anyway."

 

"Liar!" Lexa had her fingertips on her knife. Just another second and she could get out of this.

 

"She gave a good fight, your Sky Queen, she was strong and had courage, but by morning her fight was over. Roan has her head ready to mount on a pike outside my palace, beside yours."

 

This couldn't be true. Lexa was going to find Clarke safe and sound back at camp, and they were going to ride for Polis and take it back together, and they would live the rest of their lives in love and peace and happiness.

 

Queen Nia raised one hand to peel off her face mask, feeling safe in the assumption that Lexa had no fight left in her. It was her final mistake.

 

Lexa pulled her knife out and slashed the hamstring of the leg bearing down on her chest. As soon as the other woman put her weight on her other leg to try to move away, Lexa stabbed her other calf and rolled, taking her knife with her. With both legs out of commission and her face mask turned askew and making her unable to see, all Nia could do was hack blindly at the air around her with her sword.

 

With measured aim and a feral scream, Lexa threw her knife. It lodged itself hilt-deep in the Ice Queen's throat, killing her almost instantly.

 

Seeing their queen fall, the remaining _Azgeda_ dropped their weapons and surrendered. The _Trikru_ warriors cheered, not noticing how their _heda_ did not join.

 

 

* * *

  


 

A couple hours later, after sorting through the dead and tying up the _Azgeda_ prisoners, they arrived back to their camp. The able-bodied helped carry the wounded and dead alike, minus Lexa. She had to prove she was still worthy, and could not be seen being weak. She had killed the _Azkwin_ and ended the war, but she had still lost Polis and the coalition before today. It would take awhile to get the other clan leaders to answer to her again, and as such there might be some trouble getting the city back under her control.

 

That didn't matter to her at the moment though. The only thing that mattered was seeing blue eyes and blonde hair, making sure that the Ice Queen was just telling another lie to break her in battle.

 

She stormed (as much as she could with a twisted ankle and at least one cracked rib) to the healers tents. That would be where Clarke was, waiting for her victorious return, waiting to treat all of the missing fingers and broken noses.

 

The tents were already full of injured warriors and the healers working on them, but she could not see _her_ healer.

 

"Where is Klark?" she asked the gathered healers, her voice cracking over the first consonant of her name. They only shook their heads, making panic rise in Lexa's chest.

 

She hurried toward her personal tent, hoping that Clarke was just taking a nap and didn't know that they were already back from battle. On the way, she asked the same question to any passerby, "Where is _Klark kom Skaikru_?" and growled at every shrug and shaking head.

 

Indra saw her right as she went inside the empty tent, and quickly followed her in only to find Lexa attempting to leave again. "Move, Indra, I need to find Klark."

 

The older woman wrapped her arms around Lexa and pushed her backward, guiding her to sit on her bed. " _Heda_ , I need to tell you something."

 

"What is it? Speak true." Her voice quivered; she had a bad feeling that Nia wasn't lying. She felt so weak right now and didn't know how to hide it anymore.

 

Her general stood up straight and looked her in the eye. "As we were camped by the battlefield waiting for morning, I am told that _Azgeda_ warriors snuck in, killed the guards around your tent, and kidnapped Klark. I do not know what happened after that, but I fear nothing good will have come of her being taken."

 

Lexa felt like she couldn't breathe. Her chest was tight and it felt like a thousand daggers being stabbed into her lungs with every breath she tried to take. "We need to get to their capitol, Indra. _Now_ ," she managed to choke out.

 

To her credit, Indra did not try to fight her on this. She didn't even acknowledge that Lexa was having what Clarke called a 'panic attack'. She nodded curtly and left the tent, and Lexa could hear her barking orders for the least-injured to get their armor back on and be ready to march on the _Azgeda_ capitol.

 

A few minutes passed before she felt like her head wasn't being held underwater, and she grabbed her backup sword from her travel trunk. Strapping it to her belt as she walked out of the tent with her head held high, she grimly nodded at the assembled warriors. " _Azgeda's_ cities are now ours. Kill any person with a weapon, but do not harm those who do not try to fight us. Let us take what is rightfully ours by the war won today, and then we will work to reunite the broken coalition." She sucked in a breath and tried not to show how much pain it caused her to mount her horse's back. "For _Trikru_!" she shouted, spurring her horse into a gallop, and heard her war cry repeated by her people. 'For Klark,' she thought, praying she was wrong.

 

* * *

 

 

The _Trikru_ descended upon the _Azgeda_ city like angry wasps on a bear that broke their nest. The news of _Azgeda's_ defeat had reached the city, so many people surrendered, but many more did not; as Lexa finally kicked down the doors to the throne room deep inside the palace of the dead Ice Queen, she was covered head to toe in Ice Nation blood.

 

Roan sat on his mother's throne, one leg dangling over one armrest and one arm propping his head up against the other. He sneered as Lexa stalked toward him, and patted a box on his lap. "You may have defeated the queen, Commander, but we already beat you." Without waiting for a reply, he tipped the box on its side and let its contents drop out and roll across the floor to land at Lexa's feet.

 

Unseeing blue eyes gazed up at her, blonde tips stained red, probably from her own blood. She had a split lip, a bruise forming over one cheekbone, and cuts all over, but it was definitely Clarke's head.

 

Shrieking, Lexa charged the last ten feet to the throne, pulling her sword out of its sheath and holding it to Roan's throat.

 

He smiled. "Go ahead, _Leksa kom Trikru_. Kill me. Just remember that it won't bring her back. You lost her to us, just like you lost --" His last words ended in a gurgle as Lexa slid her blade across his throat, spraying her with bright red blood.

 

Without wiping her face, Lexa dropped her sword and walked back to pick up her lover's head. She ignored questions from her warriors, even pushed past Indra, who, as Costia's mother, knew more than anyone what losing a second lover to the Ice Queen might make her feel.

 

She had never been here before, but she wandered around the palace, up as many flights of stairs as possible, until she found a tower room with a balcony. It reminded her of her own throne room in the tower in Polis. Instead of looking over the city, though, this looked over the icy cliffs behind the city. It dropped farther than Lexa could see, but that was fine. She didn't really want to see the bottom.

 

Cradling Clarke's head to her chest, she heaved herself up onto the railing until she was seated, her legs dangling over nothing.

 

Love was weakness; she learned this after Costia's death. Her people learned this after her betrayal at the Mountain and how she worked so hard to win back Clarke's love. Lexa was weak, and she had lost someone again. She couldn't go back to her people like this, not broken and useless as a Commander. They deserved a leader who could harden herself and make choices easily because she didn't have to choose between her head and her heart.

 

As she gazed into Clarke's lifeless blue eyes, she cried. She hated herself for wishing she had never loved her. Clarke wouldn't want her to regret their time together, so she couldn't tarnish their memory with regret or shame.

 

She was just _Leksa kom Trikru_ , a girl pretending to be a woman, the commander and leader of thousands, and her biggest accomplishment was loving and being loved by Clarke Griffin, the girl from the sky.

 

Lexa kissed her love's forehead, whispered, "May we meet again," and pushed off of the balcony into nothingness.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on tumblr - bibecamitchell


End file.
